Well, last week I wrote about being vulnerable and how hard that is. It only makes sense, I guess, to follow that up with this conversation. I have heard God whispering to me the past week that I need to face some insecurities. Ugh! Who wants to do that?! Just having to face them makes me feel insecure! However, I am finding that the closer I walk to Jesus the less sense it makes to let these insecurities hold up residence in my heart. Being vulnerable requires facing those things that make us feel unworthy. I say unworthy because that is exactly what insecurity does. It leaves us feeling not good enough. For some it is a desperate need to please everyone and the feeling that if everyone is not happy then we somehow are not good enough. I have struggled with this one in my own life. As with everything else, these insecurities come from ideas put on us by others, usually our family. Of course, no one ever says "you need to work really hard to please everyone else" but really, that's the message we've gotten. The sneaky trick of the enemy is that he knows it is impossible to please everyone all the time because well, we would have to be perfect and that's so far from the truth that he keeps us running in this circle trying to keep up but we just can't.

I know for me I have had to fight that nagging thought of imperfection my whole life. I have never really been content to just be me..until recently. Of course, the only reason I have recently come to a place of contentment is because I have begun to trust my savior with every part of my life. I have always carried around the lie that I needed other peoples approval to be credible, acceptable. That led me to the wall I talked about last week and the inability to be vulnerable. Now don't get me wrong, I am still very much in the middle of my struggle. Things happen all the time that remind me I still have not overcome that one completely. But, I have to say, the more I understand Jesus, and who He really is and what I really am to him, I am feeling less inclined to please everyone else and more incline to just please him.

Insecurity is, I think, in our hearts from the day we are born. It is that mark of perfection in us warring with imperfection that leaves us feeling confused and uncertain. The imperfect world we live in only adds to that. A dad walks away from his family and the children are left feeling unlovable. A young girl is abused and left feeling unworthy of love. A woman struggles with her appearance because she doesn't look like the girl in the magazine and she is left feeling ugly and unworthy. Do you see the common denominator? Unworthy...we are left feeling unworthy. We all know we are imperfect and when things happen in our life to leave us feeling even more imperfect we are left feeling broken beyond repair.

So could it be said then that insecurity is nothing more than a lie the enemy has fed us? Well, what do you think? Does that young girl need to look like the magazine girl to be loved? Are those children unlovable because dad messed up and walked out? Is anyone's imperfection to great that Jesus did not overcome it? Well, no. But the lie has been our companion for so long we start to believe it don't we? Not only do we believe it, we shape our life around it. We believe that everyone feels about us the way we feel about ourselves. We even convince ourselves that God is unsatisfied with us. We start to see life through our insecurity. I have told all of you before that I did not want to start this blog because I KNEW what God was asking. I knew he wanted me to be raw and real and vulnerable. Boy did I feel insecure. "What if they think I'm stupid Jesus? I don't want to put my heart on display for all to see". His answer was clear. "Be found in me and only me". I get that now. I am found not in the marks of imperfection on my heart but the restoration of my heart. Jesus knows my flaws, he know my weakness and He loves me completely anyway. How can I put my hope in man's heart when it is just as flawed as mine? My freedom is in knowing I am imperfect but it's okay. I am loved and accepted by my creator anyway.

What are the lies the enemy has fed you that make you feel unworthy? They are just that, lies. Every lie of the enemy has been defeated through the power of the of the cross. We need not fear our imperfection anymore for it no longer separates us from God. In our weakness He is strong. In our imperfection, He is perfect. Let him fill you with love and understanding. His truth is life, freedom, joy and contentment. Live in the shadow of Jesus and you will be secure forever.

"Those who live in the shelter of the most high, will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty...He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God and I will trust in him." Psalms 91:1-2


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