Higher Purpose

Something I have to remind myself of almost daily, is that God does not act like me nor think like me. I am so quick to question sometimes and offer my opinion of how I would do something or what I think about it. Who am I to question? Who am I to try and think as God thinks? Admittedly though, I do. One thing that I hear a lot  of people say they struggle with is not feeling God in their lives. What exactly does it mean to feel God anyway? Well, having had the same struggle and made the same statement before, I have found myself reflecting on that very thing and I have to say, what God has shown me has humbled me.

Wouldn't it be amazing to have a moment in the garden where everything was perfect and God could be seen face to face? Oh, how wonderful it would be to literally sit and talk with God face to face. We were meant for that and our hearts yearn for it. God never intended to be hidden from us and he isn't hidden. Jesus has brought us back into relationship with God and we now get a glimpse of that perfection we were intended for but we still live in this fractured world and we are still fractured people. God embodies all things good. When we feel peace we feel God. When we feel joy we feel God. When we feel grief over our sin...we feel God. In my own life, when I have said I didn't feel God at work, really what I was saying was that things weren't going the way I thought they should. I am really quick to put God in that box I have mentioned before and try and determine who he should be and what he should be doing. The thing is, I am a conditional being and God is not. He is unconditional. He thinks in the realm of never ending. He thinks in the realm of everlasting. I don't know how to do that. I am an eternal being but I am still wrapped in humanity and it is very, very conditional. I must remind myself that I do not define God, he defines me. I also have to remember that God loves the next person as much as he loves me and he is at work for the good of everyone. His ways really are not my ways and his thoughts really are not my thoughts. Sometimes serving and believing in God means bowing down to the things I don't understand and just trusting that he is God and his love for me is pure...even if I don't feel it at the moment.

I can be so selfish at times in my walk with God. How quickly I forget that I am simply a piece of a grand puzzle. This journey really isn't about me at all. It's about his purpose, his calling, his glory. Jesus himself cried out "God why have you forsaken me?" while hanging on the cross. In Jesus' darkest, most alone, most agonizing moment on this earth, God was working the most glorious miracle of all time. The depth of God's understanding leaves me speechless. I have come to see more and more how completely he understands everything. He really does work in all things, to fulfill his purpose. So, maybe it's not so much that I don't feel God but that I don't always understand God. Maybe I need to just trust in the truth of his love and goodness, even when the world around me and my own flesh is denying it.

I am learning daily to put my hope in Jesus and only in Jesus. Even on my darkest days when I feel nothing, I can hold onto the hope that Jesus has given me. I can cling to the truth of God's word and believe that he is working in everything for his higher purpose. His ways are not my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts. His spirit is at work inside of me and I can rejoice, even in my trials, because I know his love for me is everlasting.  This journey is not for the faint of heart! Jesus himself said if we choose him we will face trials and tribulations. I now see that what Jesus offers me is not a life full of feel good moments but a life full of mercy, grace, peace, forgiveness, strength...a life of hope. I choose today to live in the hope of my future that is sealed and secure. God is with us...even until the ends of the earth.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11


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