Doubt Your Doubt.

The truth is, I have struggled to write anything this summer. The reason for that being that I have allowed myself to listen to that tiny voice of doubt. Well, it starts out tiny, but it can quickly start yelling and overwhelm every corner of the heart. Have you every felt like God called you to do something or be something and the only thing you hear your heart saying is "why me"?

"Why me Lord? I have nothing special to offer, nothing someone else hasn't already offered".

That would be the question I have been asking over and over for the past few months. Maybe you think that is silly, but my instinct tells me we all ask that question at some point in our lives. In fact, I think that question can be the seed of doubt that can quickly grow into a big fat tree right in the middle of our heart. "Why me" turns into "I'm not good enough" and "I've made too many mistakes" or "I'll just mess it all up".

God decided to answer that "why me?" question that I've been asking lately. In his gentle voice he reminded me of something I already knew but, well, you know, I tend to be forgetful. His answer to this little seed of doubt is simple: "you have me to offer Shannon, and that is all I want you to offer". With that one little whisper he cut that big fat tree of doubt down and replanted his grace and strength.

"Sorry, Jesus. I guess I forgot that it's not about me".

The reality for me is that whatever God calls me to do, he doesn't call me to do it for me, he calls me to do it for him. Maybe the reason I asked "Why me?" is because I forgot that it really isn't about me at all. I, alone, don't have anything to offer that is valuable, but with him I have everything to offer. My doubt, my fear, came from being focused on myself. I can't. I won't. I...I...I! When I allow him to redirect my focus off of myself, my doubt really does diminish. I mean, there is no doubt in me about HIS ability. The doubt is in my own ability. In fact, the best thing I can do for myself is own the truth that I am incapable of producing words that breathe life in my own power. The life breathing quality comes from him..only him. *sigh* What a relief! I don't have to offer anything special. I don't have to be perfect. Jesus will offer something special and he will be perfect in me. It really is so fascinating that he chooses to dwell in us and work through us. To think, perfection is at work in me! As I embrace him at work in me, the heaviness of my own shortcoming lifts right off of me and I feel...safe. Doubt fades, trust moves in and faith becomes the big fat tree planted in the middle of my heart.

This is such simple truth but for my complicated, faithless flesh, it is difficult to grab on to. So now I turn it to you and ask: what has God called you to that you doubt you can do? If he called you to it then you don't need to worry. He will work through you. Yes, even your mistakes, even your imperfection. He will be the voice people hear, the face they see...and he will get all the credit. I guess for me, the question shifted from a doubtful "Can I do it?" to a challenging "Will I do it?".

Why, yes...I think I will, and you should too.

Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done." Mark 11:23


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