I find it ironic that God has asked me to write. I say ironic because in order to write I have to listen. Anyone who knows me knows I love to talk and that makes this a big challenge. It's a challenge because I am realizing that God has asked me to write so he can teach me a thing or two. Most importantly, he want's to teach me how to be still...to hear him...to know his voice. I have learned quickly that writing something worth reading requires total inspiration from God's spirit. I can feel the difference too. When I write his words my fingers seem to fly on the keys and I literally feel like I am getting a good work out. I finish feeling exhausted and exhilarated. I want to always write his words. I want to always speak his truth...but it's hard. It's hard to always hear that gentle whisper when kids are fighting, the phone is ringing and I have no clue what's for dinner!
"Be Still, Shannon," he says to me.
"I have no clue how to do that Lord."
The reason I have no clue how to do that is because I am still learning how to know Jesus without my ceremony and religion. I didn't really need to hear his voice to follow the rules of religion and ceremony. Now, I find myself desperately needing him to speak to me everyday...and I don't know how to live like that. How do I keep his whisper at the center of my loud mess? I guess that is the answer he has me seeking right now.
I am learning how to "be still" when chaos surrounds. Sometimes that means leaning in close to hear his voice. Sometimes it means trusting what he has already told me. Sometimes it means changing my perspective so I can find him someplace I never would have thought to look before.
Maybe "being still" is not so much a physical thing but a spiritual one.
One thing I know is that I have a long way to go. I still have plenty of days that I trip and fall over my own life and forget to be still. I have lots of moments when I sit down to write and I just can't find him because I don't yet know how to be still. He has made this life into a journey for me. I am no longer trying to find the shortcut or the way that I think is easy. I am trying to remember everyday to hold tight to his hand and let him lead me. That means no shortcuts, no easy route! But you know...I'm okay with that. I'm okay with it because I get to walk with the God of the universe and find contentment I never could find on my own.
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalms 46:10