I keep looking for God in the obvious and expected. I get what he is doing. He is trying to teach me to see above and beyond the here and now. He structures my life in a way that I am completely dependent on him to provide. He wants me to be heaven minded, seeing through faith's perspective, relying on him for every need. I'm such a logical creature, though. I see facts, figures, possibilities.
He sees impossibilities as possible.
My faith will grow, I have no doubt. As I lean in to him, like a little girl clutching her papa's neck, I am able to hear his gentle whisper. It speaks above the noise of logic and human perspective. I'm not anywhere near, "there" yet. I may clutch his neck like the little girl in need of a papa's love, but I still keep my head up, off of his shoulder, looking around at the world for an answer to my question.
"Rest, Shannon," he says.
"But I must do something, Lord" I say.
"Rest," he says...again.
Can it be that simple? Can it really be that simple? Can it be that he loves me enough to do all the work of the impossible, without my help? My heart wants to believe, but my mind is not so easily persuaded. Maybe if I remind myself of the countless moments God has done this impossible, with no help...maybe if I cast away the doubt and believe that he really can and he really is...
He really can and he really is.
Perhaps he isn't waiting for me to figure it out, to solve the mystery, to be better. Maybe he is giving me time, making me wait, so I will understand how to rest. It is learned behavior in this world of busy and chaos. Resting is foreign to the soil of our hearts. We see only the toiling and the sifting as good. How long will it take, Lord before I let the truth sink in?
He doesn't look for me to do, he looks for me to be.
Backwards thinking, from what I've always known. Refreshing, though? Yes. The thought that God is not waiting for me to earn his favor, his provision...it is like water to a dry and thirsty soul.
"Drink up," he says.
So, I will. I will rest. I will drink from the cup of his unconditional love and favor, and my soul will be refreshed. I will stand back and watch him do the impossible, all while I simply rest my head on his shoulder. Maybe, in the resting, I will at last believe that my performance and my worth are not equated.
Ah, the thought of it.
To be truly free of the pride of self exultation. To truly believe that in my nothing, I find his everything. Yes, I can believe in the impossible for I have already seen it done. Does he not say that the flowers of the fields are clothed in beauty simply because he chooses to clothe them? Does he not say that the birds of the air find food for their young simply because he chooses to provide it? Indeed, he does. He provides for the flowers of the field, for the birds of the air...how much more will he provide for my every need?
I keep looking for God in the obvious and expected but he beckons me to find him in the the not so obvious and in the unexpected. He beckons me to just rest my head on his shoulder, and to simply believe...
that he really can and he really is...