Pride is a selfish, ugly beast. It only takes, never gives. It elevates itself at all costs. It destroys anything in its way. It is no friend to anyone.
It lives inside of me.
I find myself, as I come closer to Jesus, realizing with a shocking clarity that I fight this monster daily.
I realize too that I will fight this beast until the blessed day I rest in Jesus' arms. It overwhelms me to think it, scares me a little, too. I can list countless moments in just one day that this ancient beast rears its ugly head in my life.
When I answer without asking
When I give to receive
When I seek the gift and not the giver
When I pretend to be something I'm not
I am desperate, and you are merciful. In my small moments of devotion, love and honor you know that pride is still crouching low, waiting for an opportunity. I speak from both sides of my mouth don't I, Lord?
I cry out for more of you, but don't always want less of me.
This is why I must die to myself daily. Daily. How do I die to my loud, obnoxious, overbearing self, Lord?
This beast called pride is always flexing its muscles, always strong arming me. It is hard headed with a stubborn streak miles wide. It screams, roars, shouts....it is easily offended and easily provoked.
It wants to win.
It wants to be first
It wants to outshine everything.
Jesus, my eyes are on you. That is the only way to conquer a monster that doesn't want to die. I look to you, I cry out to you. I plant my face in the dirt and plead your mercy and favor. What's the lie I hear most about this beast living inside of me?
That it doesn't live inside of me.
Yes, it does. It hides in the shadows of my life but seeks the spotlight.
Help me, Jesus.
I will continue to cry out to you, Lord. I will keep my eyes on you, Jesus. I will deny....deny.....deny myself. I will do it everyday. Hold on to me, Jesus, because without you, this beast rips me apart, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake.
You, with your servants heart. You, with your willingness to stoop down low into the mire and the muck that is this world. You, with eyes for the unloved, unwanted. You, Jesus. You are the slayer of dragons, of beasts, no matter the size.
Slay this one, Jesus.
Slay this pride that wants to rip me from your grip and destroy not just me but the life around me. Go into the shadows, the dark places of my life...and drag it out of hiding.
Slay the pride in me.
"Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor." Proverbs 18:12