Does He Pick Me?


Do you ever feel like that kid? You know, the one on the playground that sits alone in the shade of a tree, hiding behind a book or swinging alone, dragging feet through the dirt, to disguise the humiliation of...

not being picked. 

Have you ever felt like God is standing on his big playground, right beside the shiny blue monkey bars, picking teams...and you are the leftover. 

The unwanted. 

The unknown. 

I felt that way once, too. Like God hadn't picked me. I felt very much unknown to God. How else could it all be explained? The only explanation I could come up with was that I had just not been picked by God, that there were more important people he wanted on his team, that he just didn't see me. I've realized something, though, about that little mural in my mind. As if in the healing, God has laid that picture out before me, and let me have a birds eye view. I've realized that God was never the one picking teams, nor was he ever the one shoving me aside. We wound and fail each other. We do it, not God. 

God is the one roaming the playground, looking for the unwanted, the wounded, the fallen. 

The unexplained does not equate unloved. For a long time, I allowed the suffering I could not explain equate to being unloved by God. The truth, though, is that God is working in the mess of this sin saturated world despite...us. Rather than look at what I cannot explain in my life and label myself as unloved, I can look at what I cannot explain in my life and call myself rescued by a God that loves me. The rescue doesn't fit in the frame I might hang on the wall of my mind, but it fits perfectly in the frame hanging on the wall of my soul. God's love is eternal. It is not growing, coming to be...it just is. That is the rescue. That is the healing.

The soul is safe, no matter the suffering. 

 We have a cross to remind us of that. If Jesus shows us anything in the glory of his sacrifice it is that he sees us, wants us, loves us. Jesus sees our forever and that is what he died to rescue. I see now why he said in this life on this earth we would suffer. The forever is constantly colliding with the now, and I cannot avoid the collision. The this Jesus talks about is the here and now we all have to live in. He was letting us know that his suffering secures our forever, but that we still have to face this. The imperfect now that we all live in will continue to bring pain until the forever finally lands it's feet on the sandy shores of the now. The hope in the waiting is that Jesus assured us that he really has overcome the world. 

 I know now that God most certainly does see me and always has. He never left me alone on that imagined playground to suffer. He has always seen me. He sees the depths of my soul, the wounds that hinder, the sorrow that weigh. He sees the dusty, cobwebbed corners of my heart...

and he picks me. 

He doesn't just pick me, he picks you. He doesn't just pick you, he pursues you. You have no shame he is afraid to touch, no hurt he cannot heal. You are wanted, loved,

known.

You are known by God. The healing comes in believing he is there, seeing you, wanting you, loving you.  No, friend, no. You are not the kid sitting by the tree on God's playground, alone and unwanted. You are the one he parts the crowd to get too. You are the one he chases. You are the one he reaches out too. 

You are the one he wants.

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