Don't Despise The Seasons
I'm sitting here on our first day of school, in the quietness that is early morning, with my steaming cup of coffee beside me, and I'm surprised at what is on my heart today. It's the first day of kindergarten for my little monkey and I confess, even with five years to prepare, it seems to have arrived all to quickly. This day looks a lot different than I imagined it looking these past years. No, I won't be dropping her off somewhere, with shiny shoes and freshly combed hair. No, I won't be packing a lunch box for her to take to school or a cute book bag full of school supplies. She will be here, with me, learning at our kitchen table. Even with the knowledge that she will be here, I still wonder....how are we already here?
That is what I rolled out of bed thinking about this morning. I'm learning more and more that life will always come in seasons. As a mom, that becomes even more clear as our kid's grow. They come into this world all squishy and cute, and suddenly our perspective shifts. We realize with overwhelming fear and joy that we've just given birth to our very own heart. How will we ever survive with our heart running around out there, in the world?
I confess, there were moments in the baby season that I just wanted to take it all back, go back to square one, because I felt so very inadequate. I was sure I was messing up. Many of those days were nothing more than a blur of doing and going and being, of extra coffee and catnaps rather than full nights of sleep. Still, I wonder, how are we already here?
Both of my babies are now students. Oh, I know, we are all students from the day we are born, but you know what I mean. I don't have a toddler or a preschooler anymore. I remember when I first got married, dreaming ahead to what life would be like at ten years, what my kids would be named, what they would look like, where we would live.
I could never have imagined all this.
I'm learning that seasons are God's way of walking us through this journey called life. He is so good to guide us into the ones that will bring about the harvest in our hearts. Even the winter ones are useful for killing off the old and useless. I've learned in these past seasons that there is one common denominator that guides me through them.
God is my provider
No matter the season, he has proven to me he is faithful. When I needed water in the dry season, he provided. When I needed shelter from the rain, he provided. When I needed warmth on a cold dreary day, he provided it. He always provides just what I and my family need in every season. I've finally stopped trying to guess at what is coming. I've finally learned that what my God is really looking for is for me to just be...in the moment...in the season. No more will I despise the season I'm in but instead will look for the joy in the moment, the peace in the storm, or the faith in the fear.
Today starts a new season in our house. A season of uncertainty for sure, but a season of adventure, of discovery. There will be days fraught with frustration and days filled with joy. There will be days that I ask the same question I've asked in every season thus far...
Am I enough?
His answer, though, it never changes. His answer to that question rings in my heart and settles deep in my soul...
I am enough
So, to this season, I will raise my glass and tip my hat, to a God that is greater, fuller, stronger and far more capable than me. He will provide and he will be faithful...of that I can be certain. I know it deep in my bones. He is enough...
always more than enough.