When God Hands You A Pastry
Last night, I was feeling a bit stressed and so my little family rode their bikes to Fry's and brought back some sparkly water for me. :) (that stuff is my love language people!) There was something else they brought that surprised me, but more on that in a minute. Truthfully, I have nothing to be stressed about. I was being more dramatic than anything else. If I just step back for a minute, put on my "eyes of Heaven" and look at the so called stress in my life, I see that it is momentary, small...not something to stress over at all. In fact, I can look at picture of Christians been murdered in Iran, women being led away in chains, and I can quickly be reminded that what I want to cry about is absolutely trivial.
So, my perspective shifts.
Truthfully, what I have stressed over is something God has asked me to do that I don't want to do. (Oh, you know what I mean!) He does that often because it stretches us, grows us, makes us better versions of ourselves. That is, if we will follow and obey. I am a bit stubborn, though, and so I sometimes shake my fist, or stand with hands on hip, looking at him, telling him that it's not fair, that I don't want to, that He should figure out a different plan.
How foolish of me.
The thing is, when God asks us to do anything, He is more interested in how our heart responds rather than our actions. We can easily "obey" with our actions, but he is looking for the servants heart, the servants attitude...the heart of a follower. So, saying, "I'll do it, but I don't want too," is no good to Him.
Might as well turn away.
Oh, he is working on me. There is pride, selfish ambition, self pity, all kinds of junk to clean out of me. So, I simply fell down last night, scuffed up my knees and hands, because fear and doubt tripped me up.
It's okay though, because my little family was Jesus to me.
See, what happened, was that as they were passing by the Starbucks in Fry's, the Barista saw them and asked them if they wanted any of the treats in the glass case. She was throwing it all away, she said, and so she was offering it to them. So, they picked out quite a few goodies, and didn't pay a single penny for them. My girls came rushing in the bedroom with the bag a bit later, so excited for the treats they had for me (and them!). When my husband told me what had happened, I heard that undeniable whisper inside saying,
Maybe you think free treats from Starbucks is trivial, but to me, in that moment, it was God's way of saying that He sees. He knows. He provides. He loves. He gives. My family wanted to bring a special treat for me, but God instead said,
"Here you go, treats for everyone! Take your pick!"
He insists on this type of thing, lately; showing up when I am in the dirt, lacking in trust, and picking me up with his own hands and dusting me off. Even in my over dramatic, self loathing coma, he chooses to reach down and help me up out of the dirt. I had not earned the gesture of kindness but still, he provides it. Will I ever get it? Will I ever stop the falling down, the being afraid, the questioning?
No, I think I will fall many more times on this path.
I see, though, that He is walking close to me. He walks close enough to catch me when I fall, to reach out a hand and help me up, to clean the scrapes and cuts from the fall. I see that he delights in doing so.
So, today, I march forward on the path he has set. I choose today to trust him, not my own ability. I choose to remember that he sees, he knows, he gives...
that he provides.
I will trust him, because he has always provided exactly what I needed in every moment.
He is faithful...
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.' Hebrews 10:23