You've probably noticed everything looks different over here. I've been working VERY hard this week to turn my blog into an actual website. The learning curve is...very curvy...but I have conquered! (with my husband's help, of course) Anyway, I have had this little thing in me I've wanted to share for a couple weeks but I haven't had time to sit down and write it out until today.
I want to talk about the "BOOM."...
What? Let me explain. The past two years have been about one thing for me...well, there's been lots of things, but one thing specifically that I look back and realize I've been learning. My life changed a couple years ago, in the sense that I for the first time in many years, I did not have a "title". I went from the Youth Pastor's wife that knew just what to do into a role that was not really defined by any certain list. I've written about that on here, shared my journey in figuring out what and who I was without any labels. I challenged God at first, wondering why in the world, when He was just starting to plant little visions and dreams in me, he would take all my "jobs" away from me. I felt like I had been handed buried treasure and then was told to just sit in a chair with it in hand. Well, naturally, hindsight is 20/20. I've received something far more precious these past couple years than the "buried treasures" or even the title I used to have. That one thing I've learned is this...
I know what my God's voice sounds like.
This is the treasure that is better than gold, better than a title, a job, an open door...knowing when my God is whispering to me, knowing his voice. He is so clever. He knew that if I was going to learn to listen, I was going to have to stop doing. And he knew that in order for me to stop doing, he would have to take the lists away. You guys know me well on here. I wrestle the demon of performance regularly. I can tell you that it is so much easier to hear the voices of others around you when you are seeking approval than to hear the gentle voice of the Creator.
See, the voice of others, of lists and job descriptions..those voices are LOUD. They shout and tell me what I should do and how I should be. They very much sound like one...big...BOOM! Without realizing it, I sometimes seek God in that same way.
I look for the BOOM.
I've seen God be big in a moment. He can be a big, loud, BOOM when He needs to be. The danger is in expecting him to always be that way, to wait until there is some big BOOM before we step out, follow...obey. I've learned in these past couple years of waiting, seeking, having time to listen, that my God is ALWAYS speaking. He never stops stirring my heart up and working things out deep down in my soul. Yes, he is always speaking...
and He whispers in his work.
It is so precious to me now, knowing his voice in the same way my own kids know mine. I don't have to be afraid anymore, wondering if I can hear him, wondering what he sounds like. I KNOW his whisper. It's a holy thing, realizing that the Creator, the designer of all things, is whispering in my soul every day words of love, affirmation, direction...
it is holy indeed.
I believe in the miraculous. I believe that God does the big and the almighty, and I cannot be persuaded otherwise. BUT...if I wait around for only those moments...I will miss so many moments. I've learned something powerful.
My relationship with God is an everyday thing.
This was a new revelation to me because for so very long, I saw God as the type of King that did not always want to "entertain" little people like me...like I had to request and audience with him and hope he had time for me. And then, when I thought he finally might have a moment for me, I expected a loud crack of thunder and a bolt of lightening...
He is a King, but he a King that ALWAYS has time for little people like me. I don't have to wait for an audience, hope I qualify...I don't even have to figure my faith out for him to meet with me. I just have to look up, and whisper his name and...
It isn't that his voice is tiny, weak, or hard to discern. It's that I believe He is speaking to me. I believe, finally, that I am worthy of an audience with Him, and that he is sitting at my table, everyday, sharing his heart with me as I share mine with him...and because I believe I'm worthy of his time, I can hear his voice.
I've come to crave the whisper rather than the BOOM.
God is speaking to you, friend. Maybe you need to believe you deserve his time so you will finally tune your ear in to hear him. Maybe you need to stop doing and rest...he is found in our resting. You can trust his voice. If you need a BOOM, he will provide it. Really, though...
we need an everyday whisper more than anything.
Lean in, friend, and listen.
You deserve an audience with the King.