There's No Such Thing As An Undone God
God doesn't undo who he is. We do...all the time. We change all the time; our belief, our convictions, our desires and dreams. We are always changing, undoing what we thought for something different.
God doesn't undo who he is, though.
I find SO MUCH peace in this one truth. Anyone who has suffered abuse knows how much we crave safety. The one thing, the thing we want above every blessed thing on Earth is to just feel safe.
Consistency makes me feel safe.
And I don't mean consistency in humans. Lets be real: we are not consistent. BUT the longer I follow Jesus, the longer I seek him out, the more I see that he doesn't change, that he is consistent, and it makes me feel safe.
No. It makes me BELIEVE I am safe.
I have a big week ahead of me. I wouldn't say something silly like "it's the biggest week of my life" because it just isn't. I mean, I would be comparing it to the week I got married, or had my babies, or went to college! No, this is not the biggest week of my life,
but it will be a hard one.
It will be hard because on three different occasions this week, I will stand before a crowd and be vulnerable. I will be honest, I will tell people I don't know and some people I do know about my pain, and my healing. I will expose my raw self. I've done it a few times in the past couple of years, but not so many times in one week....
and it makes me scared.
I still sometimes ask Jesus WHY IN THE WORLD he would lead me down this path. Why would he want me to do these things, share such deeply personal things? Why is this his plan? He answers...
"I am strong.."
See, I used to pride myself on being strong. I had it together, despite the stuff life had thrown at me. I HAD IT TOGETHER. Then, when my "strength" started to run out, and I got really panicky, I found Jesus waiting for me. When I first allowed myself even a tiny taste of weakness, he was right there, ready to help. I really didn't take a deep breath until I tasted weakness. I realized that my strength, well, it really wasn't strength. I called things like perfection and religion strength.
That was all fake, though.
When I surrendered, which is what it really means to walk in weakness, strength got a new definition. Basically, it no longer had anything to do with me, and everything to do with him. Yes, it's that simple.
My definition of strength is Jesus.
No more perfection, religion, secrets...nothing but Jesus. He is my strength, and he consistently puts me in situations where I see him prove himself over and over again. Did you know that he delights in proving his strength to us? He really does delight in honoring our surrender. That's what this week is about, for me. More surrender, more of my weakness, more of me being less and him being more. So, I think I remember now, why he would do something like this.
He wants to prove his strength, again.
I am limited in many ways. All I can really do is put one foot in front of the other. Jesus, though, he is not bound by limits. He never looks at my stuff and scratches his head. He already knows what to do and how to do it and I can believe what he says because he is never confused, afraid, never comes undone.
He never comes undone.
If this is all true, if He really never undoes who he is, never changes anything about himself...then I have nothing to fear. I can just believe. So, I will...I will believe. Suddenly, the week ahead doesn't look so hard. It doesn't look so hard because I am not going into it alone. He is going before me, with a host of angels, preparing a way that could only have come by his hand. He will make my burden light, strengthen my steps, fill my voice with courage. I really believe that he really will. I'm convinced that it is only in the hard things that I find the real meaning of grace.
Grace...God inviting me to dance with him, when no one else would.
If I can feel it, taste it and see it by walking the harder road, doing the scary things....
then I'll do it.
God's grace. That's what I'll be finding this week...
more of his grace...