When You're Worried What Other's Will Think...
Friends. I know, I have not written as much to you on here lately. Truth is, I'm working on this book that is coming to me so fast I can hardly keep up. Oh, I'm not bragging. Not at all. I've spent two years stuck in the writers black hole. I have felt like I was standing on one side of this really tall wall, and all the book ideas were on the other side, and I COULDN'T get to them!! I wasn't really even looking for the "right" idea anymore. I had pretty much surrendered, said, "Whatever. If I'm supposed to write a book, it will come to me eventually."
Some of you have some big dreams. Actually, all of you do, but some of you have yet to discover the dream God tucked inside of you. Well, there are a couple things that have happened in my soul lately that I believe were precursors to what is "the" book Jesus wants me write at this moment.
I let it go, friends. I let go of the dream and cast it at God's feet. It wasn't an angry letting go, or a fearful letting go. It was a true surrender of what I had conjured up in my mind. I said, "Lord, this is your gig. You just tell me when I'm ready, and what to do." I did that with faith and trust that he would provide when the time was right. Then, I went about doing what was right in front of me, taking each day as it came.
I surrendered my need for approval of my dream.
That's important, friends. That is SO important. I didn't know it, but I was carrying around this fear that I needed certain people to approve of the dream in my heart before I could pursue it. We do this unaware. We seek approval from those we love, those we respect. We want them to say, "Yes, I approve of that dream. Go for it." One day, I was scribbling my thoughts out in my journal, and God's spirit, plain as day, said something to my heart..
"I'm not dependent on man for anything."
Woah. Yes, we all "know" that, but, do we really? I know I struggle with this one. Yes, God is all powerful, can move mountains and all that jazz. Truly, though, do I not continually put him in a box and determine he needs certain people to "line up" in a certain order for everything to work out?
I do...I did.
Truth is, I was worrying if people would approve of my dreams, and I couldn't really see past that. God allows big things to come along, things that might even shake us to our core, because he wants to imprint this message on our hearts:
I am the Lord your God. There is NO ONE else above me.
He has shown me that in recent months, in ways I cannot even begin to describe. HE is my God, and no one, not a soul on Earth can take his place, be who he is, do what he can do. It has been in all the letting go that God has come along and said,
"Ah...now, you're ready..."
Remember, he is more interested in the condition of your heart than your circumstance. So, I find myself, now, in a place that I have never been before. I'm not looking for anyone's approval. This isn't arrogance, either, friends. This is a deep down understanding that I don't need man's approval to do a single, solitary thing that God has asked me to do. He is my provider, plain and simple. And, do you know what I've gained in this process?
It's not an arrogant boldness, either. I am walking in a deep down confidence that when Jesus says it, I can take it to the bank. I am willing to take the plunge, do the hard thing, the scary thing, the crazy thing.
Believe me, Jesus is very much in the crazy thing.
So, I'm writing up a furious storm over here, so full of what the Lord is giving me that I can hardly wait to finish it and share it with whomever he has planned. You know what is the most rewarding part of this process? I don't feel a bit of pressure to "get it right." I'm simply coming to his table, and jotting down what he shares, knowing full well that he will line up all the details in his time.
Whatever you dream of doing, you can do, dear friend. God is for you, and in his timing, all things will come to be. Lay it at his feet, and run your race.
There is nothing you can't do with God cheering you on.