When God Splits The Seas
I knew He would do it. I knew when it was time and my heart was ready, God would do just what he told me he would do.
I knew he would split the seas in half for me.
I've been plowing at this writing thing for six years. I didn't dream of writing as a kid. I didn't see my name on a book cover and write in my journal about the "somedays". No, this whole thing comes from my healing and my journey with Jesus through all the dark places to this place of freedom and light. He came along one day and dropped this little seed in the soil of my heart...
"Write it down."
I began this blog first because it was the idea that came to me first. I didn't know what I was doing, didn't have any classes on journalism or creative writing or anything that would qualify me to speak through a pen. I just had this little seed inside that was rooting down deep and a voice in my spirit that wouldn't relent....
"Write it down."
I uncovered this passion for words and realized the writing was a way for me to find truth. I only ever write from a place of questioning. Sometimes I find answers but most of the time I just experience the love of Jesus in a deeper way. His depth of love for me brings peace to the places of fear and questioning. In writing I find Him, and that is what keeps me coming back to my pen.
Almost two years ago, I sat down at my computer very broken and feeling very lost. All the "old" pain of my past was resurrecting itself through a new hurt and I had nowhere to turn except Jesus. I was clinging to Him with every fiber of my being, waiting for His truth to seep into my spirit and bring the peace I needed. One day during that season, I woke up with this scene for a story in my head. It was so vivid, like a movie reel, and I knew I was supposed to write it down. It was a rescue scene that I instinctively knew fit in the middle of a story I had yet to write. I wrote that scene down and knew in my spirit Jesus was telling me it was going to be okay, that He was holding me close to his heart. I spent eight months writing that story. It came to me in odd ways, not in any kind of order. It was every bit a journey for me to write it as it will be for readers to read it. I had it ready a year ago, but I felt Jesus telling me to wait. My heart wasn't ready for the next step. So, I obeyed.
In a year of waiting, I've discovered much. Jesus drew me to my inner city where I've found the poor and forgotten. I've learned to look beyond the exterior to what Jesus sees when he looks at each of us. I've looked into the faces of devastation and despair and God's spirit has risen up inside of me to speak the truth:
"Hope has a name. Can I tell you about him?"
Last weekend, my feet landed in the middle of the Redwood forest for yet another adventure. I showed up at the Mt. Hermon Writer's Conference and I really had no idea what God had planned. I had my little story tucked in my bag, a pitch ready to share and butterflies in my stomach! The first night was hard. I felt like a very small fish in a very big sea. I went to bed whispering to Jesus to come with his peace and be my defender, my warrior.
Oh, did he ever come to my defense!
The next day would be a day that I will never, ever forget. I had two appointments with agents that day (agents are the ones who represent authors to the publishers). I sat down at a wobbly table by a window, and the agent sitting across from me looked at me and spoke words that only Jesus could have ordained. She said she had never read anything like those first few pages, that it was powerful, devastating and beautiful. Then, the door opened for me to share what Jesus has done. I talked about him, his work in me, and that this story I wrote is for every single woman who thinks she is forgotten, that her pain is unnoticed. The agent asked me to send her the full manuscript (something that almost never happens!) along with my proposal. I left that appointment, found a bench near a massive Redwood, and I wept. Jesus had come to my aide, he had prepared the way for me, and all I had to do was walk in it. As I sat there weeping over my miracle, the faces of the women I've encountered who are slaves to traffickers came to my mind. I wept for them because I knew that I was standing for them, sharing the truth of their pain.
The next appointment would be equally as miraculous. Never once did I feel like I had to "pitch" anything. I just showed up where God sent me and He provided. I never felt alone in those moments - not once. I had requests for my manuscript, my proposal, and even my self-published book, My God Box. I met a published author who was told to find me and give me resources for my next steps. She was so gracious and helpful. I showed up to that conference a newbie with no connections. I left with miracle after miracle proving that Jesus is the defender of the weak.
I left that conference with a new journey ahead, one I couldn't have fabricated if I had tried. My heart delights most in the truth of my Savior coming to my defense, surrounding me with his love and speaking for me. He is so gracious and kind. He promised if I followed, He would split the seas for me. He promised he would do what I never could.
I went to that conference feeling as though I were treading water in a massive sea, but I left walking through the middle of that sea, split right down the middle. Only Jesus can do that. Only Jesus. He proved to me once again that He can be trusted with my pain. He won't ever betray me or reject me. He carries me close to his heart, and he moves the seas on my behalf.
I'm still taking it all in, still stunned by it all. I suppose, when God splits the sea in half for you, the only response appropriate is to just stand in amazement. As I sat on the airplane looking out the window at the vast expense of Earth below, remembering how small I am in comparison to my God, I whispered, "Thank you" which seemed so inadequate. He was quick to respond...
"You just watch what I will do. We're only just beginning."
Do you know him, friend? Do you know him as the lifter of your head, the defender of your weakness? He won't waste a moment of your pain if you will let him in. He won't let any of your tears go to waste. Take his hand, follow him and be amazed.
He will split the seas on your behalf...
and you will walk on dry ground.